Guilt is
by HotaruGFC
Summary: Suikoden Tactics spoilers. A conservation between Andarc and Seneca about Andarc's overly serious attitudes.


_Disclaimer: I am not the owner of these characters or even some of the dialog. These characters belong to Konami, who I thank from the bottom of my heart for the Suikoden games._

_Please review: Constructive critisms please._

**Guilt is...**

"I am forgiven." He said in awe, as the realization he had been chastising himself for nothing dawned on him.

"Did you really expect anything less?" I asked marveling at his loyalty and mocking his self-deprecating attitude. He shouldn't beat himself up so much. I know he feels guilty still about what happened to Walter, but he has put off living his own life for far too long. And that worries me. But then, I guess I'm doing the same… He stared at the space Kyril had just been for a moment longer before turning his bespectacled dark eyes toward me.

"Yes… I did. You should know… I always do." His voice was serious, but when was it not serious… There something about it that draws me to him, like now, when I take a few steps toward him. I don't know why I do these things when it comes to him. I whisper to him softly as I stop, my eyes holding his gaze.

"Your guilt weighs you down too much, Andarc. If you don't learn to let it go sometimes, it's going to get you killed." I couldn't keep the worry from my voice.

"How can I just let it go? You weren't there, Seneca. You didn't have to make that decision or risk losing Kyril."

"You just do… Your loyalty to him will not change if you don't have this guilt weighing on you. You love Kyril, just as I do. Hell, he put it best himself, Andarc… we are family. And you had no choice. Kyril knows this… and deep down you do as well."

"But what if I could have…"

"Life is too short for 'what if's', honey. And our lives are too short as it is to be wasted on them."

He sighed. Deep down, he knew I was right. He may be the smart one of us all, but when it comes to emotions he can be really stupid.

"You're right." He resigned. "I'll try to let it go… to relax more."

"You need to relax in general… even Corselia can see that."

He sighed again. I took his hand and led him to my tent.

"How can I relax when Kyril's always rushing off to fight like he does? Where are you taking me?" He finally realized we were moving…

"I have a little something to help you relax… There's hardly ever time to use it though…" I sighed as we entered the tent and I motioned him to sit down. It took me sometime to find it, but when I did, the small jar smelled just as sweet as the day my mother had given it to me… all those many years ago. The scent always brought a smile to my face. It must have seemed odd to Andarc, seeing me look so calm and serene, but that's how I feel whenever I smell it.

"What is that?" He asked, peaking his curiosity. I had kept it a secret for so long…

"Lavender balm. Just smelling it helps me relax. My mother gave it to me before we left…" I could see his face slowly soften as he breathed in the scent.

"Take off your shirt and turn around." He looked at me skeptically. I sighed.

"Look Andarc. You have years of tension built up. I'm just going to help you relieve some of it." Slowly he followed my command. His bare, lean back towards me, I scooped a small bit of the balm into my hands, warming it up and then smoothing it over his skin. Slowly, ever so slowly, I kneaded his tight muscles until I could feel them relaxing under my touch. He said nothing as I worked, but occasionally a slight groan or sigh escaped his lips. A few more minutes passed as I rubbed away his stress. I asked him to lie down. I could not continue in this position.

"This is… amazing, Seneca." He said, his eyelids heavy as he lay on his stomach, placing his glasses gently to the side.

"You're welcome." I whispered, wondering how much more amazing he would think it would be if I did what I really wanted. I continued to work his worn and tired back. Slowly, it all softened beneath my touch, so to have the soft groans or sighs stopped, replaced now by the soft even breathing of sleep. I smiled to see him sleeping so peacefully, so soundly. It was probably the first really good sleep he had had in years. I would not disturb him now. What I wanted would have to wait. I left him to sleep as I went to keep watch.

**Guilt is... pointless.**


End file.
